Our cute family

Last night we had a 'family fun night' at Netso's. Earlier this week when they told us about it, they said we were just getting together to have dinner and visit to cheer everyone up. Netso and Chase have just had surgeries, we are struggling with Libbi, and some other things are going on. I thought 'o how fun, this will be nice' well the night was really all about us and Libbi. Aubree read a cute story (below) and then my mom had these bracelets made for all of us to wear. It was very nice of everyone to think of this. It was really fun and cute! I love our families so much, we are so blessed to have so many people that love us!! And i must add that Aubree is a GOOD reader, i was so proud of her!

A piece of my heart(story read by Aubree)
One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart, for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful hear t they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and bragged about his beautiful heart. Suddenly and old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said “why, your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine.” The crowd and the young man looked at the old man’s heart. It was beating strongly, but it was full of scars. It had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn’t fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing. The people stared-how can he say that his heart is more beautiful, they thought. The young man looked at the old man’s heart and saw its state and laughed. “You must be joking,” he said. “Compare your heart with mine. Mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears.” “Yes,” said the old man, “yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to who I have given my love- I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren’t exact, I have some rough edges, which I treasure, because they remind me of the love we shared.” “Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn’t returned a piece of his or her heart to me. These are the empty gouges-giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?” The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the young man’s heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges. The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man’s heart flowed into his.

The Perfect Poem

"It's a beautiful day up in heaven. Jesus is rounding up his tiniest angels to go live on earth and be born. One of the sweetest angels says to Jesus "I don't want to leave. I like it here and I will miss you." He reassures the scared little angel that everything will be okay, and that he is just going for a visit. He is still not swayed. So Jesus kneels down, and says, "How about if you leave half of your heart here with me and take the other half with you, will that be okay?" The angel smiles and says, "I guess that will work." But the little angel is still scared. He asks,"Will I be okay with only half of my heart?" Jesus replies,"Of course you will, I have other angels there that will help out, and you will be fine." Then Jesus gives the angel more details about his plan. He says, "When you are born, your mommy and daddy will be scared, so you have to be strong, and when you feel weak just remember that I have the other half of your heart. Enjoy your time with your family; play and laugh everyday. And when it's time to come back to heaven, I will make your heart whole again. Always remember that you are not broken, just torn between two loves." Author Unknown

I found some blogs of other heart babies tonight and let me tell you, it is rough! There are soo many out there, just here in Utah or nearby that are dealing with the same things we are. It was comforting to know that we are not alone but it was heart wrenching to read some of these blogs. Some of the babies, including one named Jersey, have passed on. There are pictures of the babies when they are born, blue and all. I read back and the moms sound just like i do at this point. It was awful, it may be best if i don't snoop any furthur! I contacted a few that have very similiar defects as Libbi and I think it will be nice to keep in touch with them. I found this poem on one of the blogs and I thought 'how perfect.' It was the cutest poem! Tonight i am feeling a little, well ok alot, down. My heart hurts for those families that have lost their babies. Please continue to pray for us, I am starting to get really scared.

33 weeks and counting..

We went to see the dr again today, this time it was the perinatologist department at Mckay Dee and as much as i want to be positive, it was a bit of a wasted trip. The Dr that was there today is from the U which I thought would be great but actually he couldn't do or set up anything. We talked about inducing at 37 weeks but he said I needed to go back and see the Dr that actually works at Mckay and he would schedule it. That dr was at the U today. So confusing but anyway.. Libbi was still measuring 4 lbs. 14 oz. which means she's only grown 2 oz. in 11 days or the equipment at Mckay is measuring different than Circle of Life, because if you remember she was measuring a week bigger according to Dr. Bierer on Feb 13. Now she is measuring right on, which is good but i'm not sure if she is growing? Too many different doctors! I think we'll stick with the crew at Mckay Dee and stop seeing Dr. Bierer because there is really nothing more he can do at this point! We go again next Wednesday to Mckay and every Wednesday from here on out i think. I am trying to just enjoy this last month with Koy and Jerzi and not get too antsy, she will come when she is good and ready and it will be rough for all of us so we're just enjoying every minute right now! I feel like a blimp and nothing fits anymore so if i don't come out and play don't be offended!! We are playing inside in our jammies for a while!! The one month countdown is on! AHH i'm not sure i'm ready for all this, I told Kurt as soon as March hits I may have a slight panic attack! 4 more days! O ya and we double checked today and 'she' is still a 'she!!' I can stop worrying about that at nights now!

I wonder..

I have been laying up at nights thinking about alot of things. It's actually really annoying, i wish i could fall asleep as fast as Kurt does!! One thing i've been wondering is if Libbi is a girl? I started thinking and the last time they checked the sex was at my 22 or 23 week appt. which i'm sure is accurate but who knows? They look at the heart everytime we go but never check the sex! I will be asking on Tuesday for them to 'double' check because now it's got me worried. What if we've been calling her Libbi this whole time and she's a he?! That would be kind of funny!! I also wonder what she will look like, will she look like Koy or Jerzi or a mix of both? Or will she look like her own little person?? What i wonder most is if there is a sleeping medication I can take? I'm really tired and cannot get to sleep!!! Kurt took Nyquil tonight and i am soo jealous, that's the best!! AHH!! (tried unisom and that does nothing!!) I'm not sure I can do this for 4 more weeks, that's 28 nights!! I want her to stay as long as possible, especially with all this RSV going on but my mind is going crazy! The wonder, the questions, the waiting.. It's all getting really hard, I just want to fast forward 2 months!! Good night!

Dr. Dr. Dr.

I am not a superstitious person but I have to admit, after a few bad phone calls today I was a little nervous to be going to the doctor on Friday the 13th but we were just fine! I am getting tired of the doctor visits but today was another good day!! We went to see Dr. Bierer and after waiting an hour we visited with him for 3.5 minutes. He said Libbi is 4 lbs. 12 oz. and is measuring at 33 weeks! I will be 32 weeks on Monday so she is BIG!! We are very happy about that! He gave me permission to take unisom and zantac for heartburn and sleep! I have been struggling with both lately. He also confirmed that we will induce labor at 37 weeks and that she will be just fine, big and strong enough for surgery. That puts us at March 23, which is a Monday. I'm seeing about maybe shooting for March 22, Sunday, for work related people. We will see about that when I go to the OTHER doctor on Feb 24. AHH so many doctors, it's a little nutty!! I just hope they are all coordinating and are all on the same page. Libbi's heart was still looking well today and she is thriving, obviously! (i gained 6 pounds in 3 weeks, LOVELY) That's ok, i can deal with that as long as she is growing along with me!! It won't be long now, about 5 weeks is all. I am excited but very nervous at the same time, this pregnancy went WAY to fast! I'd be ok if we waited til 40 weeks, i think 5 weeks is way to soon! More and more doctors from here on out..
Feb 24 Mckay Dee perinatologist (the doctor that will deliver at the U)
March 5 Dr. Bierer
March 11 Dr. Menon (cardiologist)
March 12 Dr. Bierer
March 19 Dr. Bierer
I may never want to see another doctor the rest of my life!!
Thanks for your support once again, we love you all!!

Good news!

We went today back to Dr. Menon, the pediatric cardiologist at Primarys, and he said everything is looking good and that the heart is still functioning well. He was worried last time about the heart failing before delivery but today said that is not a concern. He said her heart is beating very well! She will still need surgery with in the first week, but only a minor surgery called Pulmonary Artery Banding, where they will go in and put a band on the artery to slow the blood flow to the right ventricle, which is the small side. When she is 6-8 months old they will go back in and do 3 different things. They will do what's called a 'one and one half ventricle repair', they will put in the artificial valves, and they will also close the hole. She will be much bigger and stronger, which is much better than having to do this at birth. We were happy to hear the good news! This is his diagnosis as of now but he wants to talk with many other doctors to get opinions, since this is a rare case of Ebsteins. He was very optimistic today, which made us feel good. They will most likely start me at 37-38 weeks so the doctors will all be ready and so that we will be prepared. That was also good to hear, because I was nervous about the end. I will be 37 weeks on March 23 to give you an idea, so probably between the 23rd and
30th of March. He also said that the recovery from surgery is only 7-10 days if there are no complications. We were expecting for her to be in the hospital for a month, at least, so that was also good news! They will do the surgery within a week he is thinking, so we should be bringing her home by mid April! I'm hoping for Easter and Sunnee's bday, April 12, but we will have to wait and see. We are just happy that things were better and not worse today and we are ready for whatever happens! Thank you for thinking of us and for praying for us! Keep it up, we still need your prayers and thoughts!! Love you all and thanks again!!

Blessings

I have been thinking alot lately about how many little blessings have played into this situation with Libbi. The most recent one I have thought about is the fact that Kurt just graduated from school in December, one week before we found out anything was wrong. I was thinking that if he was still in school, i'm sure he would be quitting. I need him home more than ever at nights, and i'm sure the stress would've been to much for him to handle.
2nd, we picked up this supplemental insurance BEFORE i even got pregnant, because our maternity deductable was $5000. We just found out that the policy changed and our deductable is actually only $500! We would've NEVER got this supplemental stuff if we had known that is was only $500 but now that we have it, it will help tremendously with the hospital bill for Libbi. It is interesting how things work out.
Some other blessings.. My kids pediatrician is already a pediatric cardiologist, and the only one in northern Utah. I love him and he will be a huge help when Libbi arrives and as she grows! He doesn't accept new patients, so we are so lucky we already have him!
The Dr. at Primarys came from the Mayo Clinic, which is world known for treating Ebsteins, and has only been there 5 months. If this were to happen a few months ago, he would not be there and if it were to happen a few months later, he would not be taking new patients. It took me a while longer than we wanted to get pregnant, which was frustrating. I think this is why, so we could have this great doctor. The timing is perfect!
My good friend works at Primarys in the NICU. She will not be able to be Libbi's nurse, but she will make sure she is well taken care of. That will be nice!!
We've mentioned in earlier posts that the hole in her heart is actually what's keeping her going so strong. When Kurt gave me the first couple blessings, before we knew everything, he said he wanted so bad to say that her heart would be made whole but couldn't. If her heart would've been made 'whole' that hole would've closed off and things would've been much worse. That hole is our greatest blessing right now and we hope it stays open until birth. I can't tell you how much we have been blessed in little ways.
We have had so many people bring over treats, books, flowers, send cards, and much much more. We are truly loved and thought about. Our ward even did a special fast for Libbi yesterday, and i'm sure many others fasted as well that we don't even know about. We appreciate everyone's support and love. Thanks again!! Tomorrow is our check up with Dr. Menon at Primarys so stay tuned.. Love you all!!