Perserverance

This is my thought for the day. I hear so many good inspiring ones that I thought i'd post them everytime I hear them.
PERSERVERANCE- Our greatest glory lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
Notice it is also on my sidebar, to never be forgotten!!

Come what may, and love it

Today as we were getting ready for church, I was having a hard time. I could not put my finger on it but I just felt bad. I didn't want to go, I didn't want to get ready, I was yelling and grumpy with my family. I was just having a hard day. I made it to church, a little late, and the lesson was from the conference talk given by Joseph B. Wirthlin in October. He has since passed away. The lesson was about dealing with adversity. He talked about 4 things to help us deal with adversity, 1. Learn to laugh. I think we are doing a good job of trying to keep our spirits up, maybe not by laughing at the situation but laughing at life. 2. Seek the Eternal, meaning try to look at the big picture, which is hard but helps! 3. The principle of compensation. He said that 'for every tear shed today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.' Those words comforted me a whole lot. I can't help but think that this may be reversed as well. I feel like we have been so blessed in our lives thus far and that this is our time to be challenged. 4. Trust in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Of course we do, we know that the plan is already laid out for us and it is our duty to respect that and deal accordingly. 'The simple secret is, put your trust in the Lord, do your best, then leave the rest to Him' is a quote by Elder Wirthlins daughter, after struggling with a challenge of her own. I really think this lesson helped me to keep on going and to keep fighting. If you have time, go read it, it is entitled 'Come what may, and love it' from October 08 conference by Joseph B. Wirthlin. I have been thinking alot lately about trials and the different ones we are each given and I can't help but think 'would I trade.' I see so many loved ones going through hard times, divorce or marital problems, financial struggles, illnesses and I can honestly say I would not trade anyone for this trial. I think we are all given the strength to deal with what we are given. I have a couple friends going through divorce and I have told them both that I would not trade them. I have Kurt to help me through this hard time, where they are dealing with theirs alone. Another loved one who is having a hard time having kids, I have 2 beautiful healthy kids and another baby on the way. I wouldn't want to be in their shoes, how hard. A friend who lost her mother in high school. I think to myself, I have my mom still and I don't know what I would do without her. This friend is so strong and such a good mom. I don't know how she does it. There is a guy in our ward that was just diagnosed with cancer and the doctors can't do anything for him. At least Kurt and I are healthy for our kids, and don't have to worry about that. I see parents who have tried so hard to teach right from wrong and have kids stray and even die because of drug use or other neglectful acts. I see people die in car wrecks, and I feel so sad for their families. I see people who struggle financially, and I am grateful we are in a position to deal with this trial financially. I feel so bad for those who don't have insurance and have stuff like this happen, i'm sure it's a life altering thing for them and their families. There are also many i'm sure who are struggling within their own selves with depression and other illnesses like that. I feel blessed to have been given this challenge and not another. It is not fun, and it will get harder but I am thankful for what I have and try not to think about what I don't have. There is much worse out there is todays world. At the top of the conference talk it says..
"The way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life."
I will try to remember this always, and I hope we can react in a positive way, not only for ourselves but for others. If we can help but one person to see that life is not all that bad, then we will have succeded in our efforts. I must say that last night I started this post and could not finish. I didn't WANT to finish. I was feeling picked on and wanted to be sad. We will have good days and bad, thanks for sharing in the rollercoaster with us! We love you all!!
"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass but learning to dance in the rain."

Check up

Today we went and saw Dr. Bierer, OB, and Libbi is doing very well!! She is growing big, measuring 29 weeks and 5 days. She is a whole week ahead as far as size which is great!! She weighs 3 pounds! Her heart is still functioning well and he says everything looks good. What a relief! I can feel her move everyday but it's still nice to go and actually see her heart and have some reassurance! We will be going every 2 weeks for the next 6 or 7 weeks then every week, maybe twice a week after we get to 36 weeks. I am still going to go see Dr. Bierer even though he cannot deliver down at the University of Utah (I'm not sure I mentioned that before, but i will deliver down there) He will keep in touch with the Dr. who will deliver Libbi. I was a little nervous about the end because I've had both kids at 37+ weeks without really 'going into labor' I have back labor which is a little hard to determine when i'm having contractions. I was nervous about going down to the U every other day and being sent home, but also nervous about waiting to long and having to deliver here in Ogden, which would then mean having Libbi being life flighted to primarys. He was confident that we will not have a problem, he said if I need to go in every day starting at 37 weeks then that's what we will do. And if she looks like she is getting close to coming, i'll head down and get things going. He says having her at 37 weeks would be just fine, she would be big enough to handle the surgery. I really like both our doctors, they are working together and talking often. That makes me feel confident that things are being taken care of. Dr. Bierer told us what a great guy Dr. Menon is, and that we are lucky to have him. That makes us feel good! We asked Dr. Bierer how many cases he has seen like this and he said only 2 in his career, which then Kurt asked the dreaded question, 'did those 2 babies make it?' He said one was in the early 90's and that baby did not, but the other one was in the late 90's and made it through all 3 surgeries. He said the technology even 10 years later has way advanced and was confident little Libbi will do just fine, again mentioning that the hole in the wall is what's keeping her going. It's amazing how this has all played out, we are way lucky!
Again, we appreciate everyones concern, we are still holding up ok. I feel like Koy is smart enough that he has figured out something is not right around here so please keep him and Jerzi in your prayers also. They are good kids but are being a little bit 'off' lately. We haven't actually told them anything because they wouldn't understand but i'm sure they can sense that something is not quite right. They love to feel my tummy and talk to Libbi. Well, actually Jerzi thinks her name is strawberry shortcake, but she talks to her and loves to feel her kick. Koy is so sweet to her, he will be the biggest helper I know it! We love you all! Thanks!!
Next appts..
Feb 3 Dr. Monan
Feb 13 Dr. Bierer
28 weeks 3 days

Dads Thoughts...

Since finding out about Libbi's heart condition, I have never felt so helpless but at the same time felt like I have so much control. As a Dad, I have always felt like I can fix anything. If the kids broke one of their toys, bikes or anything else, I could go out in the garage and fix the problem. If their was any home improvements that needed to be done, I could do it. If Mindi had a question, I could answer it. If the kids were sick, I could help them get better. These kinds of things were easy and in some cases were a lot of fun for me. But after learning about Libbi's heart condition, I had no idea how to fix the problem. I knew that this problem was way out of my hands and that there was nothing I could do. I felt so helpless. Then, and this was huge for me, when we were meeting with the doctor from Primary Childrens and he was explaining Libbi's heart condition and how severe it was, I felt horrible. But then he explained that the big hole between the two ventricles was for now a good thing. That because of this hole, the left ventricle could pump for the right. As he was telling us this, my mind went directly back to two blessings that I had given Mindi previous to going to Primary Childerens. In each blessing I tried to say that Libbi's heart would be made whole and perfect, but I couldn't! The only impressions that I was given was that Libbi was a very special girl, that she was comming to our home for a special reason and that her heart defect was there and there was nothing I could do. BUT, that Heavenly Father was taking care of her. In both blessings I knew that Heavenly Father was in charge. Not me, not even the doctors but that Heavenly Father was. I know this may sound wierd but when the doctor was telling us about this huge hole, I again recieved the impression that this was the way that Heavenly Father was taking care of her and making sure that she would make it here. At this point, I felt in control again. Not that I could get some tools from the garage (or Brents Hardware)
to fix the problem but, that I had the Priesthood and that I could use it to bless Libbi. Other tools that I have to help Libbi's heart is prayer, fasting, faith, hope, and love. I cant believe how much Libbi has already blessed my life and I hope she has already blessed yours. I am so grateful to a loving Heavenly Father who knows me and my family personaly. I am grateful to have a great wife to share this challenge with. She is such a strong person! I love the gospel and am grateful for the savior and the gospel truths that I know. The Savior has truely lightened my burdens. Thanks to everyone who has been praying for us and Libbi. Please keep it up. We need it! I hope that because of Libbi, all of us will try to do a little better each day, that we will love stronger than ever before, that we will be more charitable and kind than we have ever been, that we will desire to be more faithful in living the gospel than we were last year and that again, because of Libbi,I hope each of us will grow closer to Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father. Thats how she has blessed my life so far.

Welcome

Welcome to Libbi's little blog! We are hoping this is a good way to share all of what's going on with those we love and care about, but without the whole world knowing our personal life. We also hope that we will be able to share some of what we're feeling so we can look back on this one day and reflect. We have had an interesting month. I'm sure many of you reading this already know a lot of whats going on but for those who don't i'll start from the beginning. (and for our own personal recollection for the future) I had my 'target' ultra sound on Dec 11 and the tech was a little quiet and uneasy the whole time, she did not say much except she needed to see me back again in a month because she couldn't get all the shots of the heart that she needed. We rescheduled for Jan 8. Well the next week, on Dec 17 she called back and said after reviewing it with the dr, they felt I needed to get back in sooner than the 8th and told me to come the next day (dec 18) As you can imagine, that night and the next day i was a nervous wreck! We went in and was told after a looongg ultra sound that the babies heart was not developing right. All they could say was that the right and left ventricles were odd shaped, the right being small and the left being big. They set us up an appt at Mckay Dee for the following week with the Perinatologist. They also set us up an appt at Primarys for Jan 14. We went to see the pernatologist on Dec 23 and was not told very good news, but again he couldn't tell us a whole lot. He informed us of the possibility of the baby having a chromosonal defect, meaning downs syndrome, spinibifida (?) and some others. So from Dec 23 to Jan 14 we waited.. and waited.. and waited.. It was seriously the longest month (or 3 weeks) of my life!! We finally made it down to Primarys yesterday after a fast, 2 blessings and many many prayers.. I personally was praying for a miracle. ALthough a baby in itself is a miracle, we did not receive the miracle I was wanting. The doctor down there has only been there 5 months but came from the Mayo Clinic which is a very respected hospital so we felt very good about him. He told us that Libbi has Ebsteins anamoly, which is basically the 2 valves in the right ventricle never formed. Meaning the good and bad blood is just mixing around instead of being pumped where it needs to be. She also has a small right ventricle. Now the amazing part is that between the right and left ventricles, there is a large hole, called a VSD. Because of that hole, she is doing well. Without the hole, things would be much worse. Because of the hole, the left ventricle is able to pump all this blood to where is needs to be but with the right side not doing anything, the left side is working very hard and is at risk of failing. He wanted to make it clear to us that if we looked up 'Ebsteins' it would scare us and look very bad but because of this hole, we are better off than a typical Ebsteins case. The Mayo Clinic is world known for treating Ebsteins so we are so lucky we ended up with this doctor. He said he has only seen one other case familiar to this one, but he also said every heart condition is unique. He classified this as a 'severe' case and gave us some statistics but not without pointing out that 'our baby is not a statistic, she is her own unique being' and that 'everything is life is 50/50' Those were his words which were somewhat comforting. With that, he said the chance of her heart failing before delivery is 30-50%. If they notice it failing AFTER i'm 32 weeks, they can take her and perform surgery. If anything happens in the next 4 1/2 weeks there is nothing they can do. When she gets here, hopefully as close to full term as possible, she will need to have a surgery to get valves, they would insert artificial valves. His guess is that this would be in the first week of her life. Statistics again say that fatality of this surgery in a baby is 30-50%. Her next surgery would be within the year and then probably another one within a couple of years. Statistics go up as she grows :) He also made it very clear that alot of this information is 'his best knowledge' of the situation as of now. When she is born, they will do an EKG to find out exactly what needs to be done. He is giving us his best opinion but they can't ever say until the baby is here. He also said that he is pretty certain that this is not a chromosonal issue, just a congenital heart defect, which was very happy news!
We are doing fine! There is not one thing we can do as of now so we are just enjoying every moment and every day with each other and our 2 beautiful kids at home. We know that the Lord has a plan for us and that he is in charge. He will do whatever it is we need, although it may not be what we want. We have faith that the doctors are the best and will do everything possible to make this a good outcome. We love all of you who are praying and fasting on our behalf. We have soo many good people in our lives that surround us with love, motivation, laughter and treats! We are truly blessed to have all of you! Please don't stop calling because you can read up on this blog, we still need your support, and no one is bothering us by checking in! We feel so lucky to have so many people that care! Thanks for everything!
Next appts are..
Jan 22 with Dr. Bierer (OB)
Feb 3 with Dr. Monan (cardiologist)
Due date April 13
27 weeks and 3 days